Goose is our oldest son. He turns 12 soon and couldn't be more excited! He is kind of stuck in the "in between" stage of life..still a kid but trying to grow up to become a teenager. He loves his X-box, Scouts, and his friends. He loves me and his dad very much and has a huge heart for his siblings. He loves being called the Man of the House whenever dad is at work. So I decided a few days after we found out to go ahead and tell him he was going to have to step up his game and really become the Man of the House.
He was over at a friends house and his mom asked him to tell him about his dad. (She knew he was leaving but didn't know Goose didn't!) Goose asked what she was talking about. She realized right then that he didn't know. She made something up and tried to move on. But Goose is just like me. He thinks the worst right away. She had to reassure him that Dad was fine.
So I found the opportunity to talk to him by himself. We were standing in the kitchen together and I told him that dad was leaving. Getting deployed. He got tears in his eyes and asked where he was going. I had to reassure him and myself again that he was going to a safe place. He would miss Christmas but Grandma and Grandpa were going to be here.
I never want to lose communication with my kids. I want them to feel comfortable to tell me anything! So I dig a little. "How are you feeling Goose? Are you okay?"
"Mom, my heart dropped to my stomach when you told me. But he has to go and I understand that."
I gave him a big hug and he went to play his X-box. I wonder if he left so quickly so he could cry it out like I did.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I'm gonna miss Christmas this year
March 5
I get a text from him saying he is going to miss Christmas this year. I immediately call him and say "How long?" when he picks up the phone. 6 months. Oh! I guess it could be worse.
We both knew it was coming. After being in the military for 11 1/2 years and never deploying, we knew it was his turn sometime in the near future. We mentally prepared for it. We were both waiting for the call saying he was going. But I have to admit, now that it's here, I realize I wasn't prepared for it at all. Its now our reality. I guess I thought/hoped deep in the back of my brain that he would never go. You know continue to be lucky. Now I just hope luck is still on our side and he comes home safely to us!
So where is he going? I can't say. But I can say other military branches call it Camp Cupcake. Any war area has it's dangers but where he is going shouldn't be too bad. At least that is what I am telling myself. I know once I get past the thoughts of him never coming home, I will be able to find comfort in the fact that he is going to a safer place. But I worry.... a lot! Worse case scenario. Every time! I have a vivid imagination when it comes to things like this.
So we decide to not tell the kids quiet yet. We still have months to prepare. Remember he is just missing Christmas this year. And next? New Years, my birthday, babygirl's birthday, Goose's birthday, B's Birthday,Valentines, St Patrick's day, Easter, Mother's day, Memorial day and possibly Father's day. Wow!! that's a lot! Another reality just hit.
That night we go to bed and talk about how reality is here. I cry for the first time. I am losing my best friend in about 8 months and I already miss him. I think of all the things I will miss. Laying next to him, his smell, his touch, his warmth. After he falls asleep, my imagination takes a turn for the worst and I picture two uniformed men knocking on my door. I can see myself fall to the floor crying. Unable to breathe. I tell them to leave, they've got the wrong house. NOT ME! NOT HIM! NOT OUR KIDS!
I pray to my Heavenly Father and ask that he takes these thoughts away from me.
I cry myself to sleep.
I get a text from him saying he is going to miss Christmas this year. I immediately call him and say "How long?" when he picks up the phone. 6 months. Oh! I guess it could be worse.
We both knew it was coming. After being in the military for 11 1/2 years and never deploying, we knew it was his turn sometime in the near future. We mentally prepared for it. We were both waiting for the call saying he was going. But I have to admit, now that it's here, I realize I wasn't prepared for it at all. Its now our reality. I guess I thought/hoped deep in the back of my brain that he would never go. You know continue to be lucky. Now I just hope luck is still on our side and he comes home safely to us!
So where is he going? I can't say. But I can say other military branches call it Camp Cupcake. Any war area has it's dangers but where he is going shouldn't be too bad. At least that is what I am telling myself. I know once I get past the thoughts of him never coming home, I will be able to find comfort in the fact that he is going to a safer place. But I worry.... a lot! Worse case scenario. Every time! I have a vivid imagination when it comes to things like this.
So we decide to not tell the kids quiet yet. We still have months to prepare. Remember he is just missing Christmas this year. And next? New Years, my birthday, babygirl's birthday, Goose's birthday, B's Birthday,Valentines, St Patrick's day, Easter, Mother's day, Memorial day and possibly Father's day. Wow!! that's a lot! Another reality just hit.
That night we go to bed and talk about how reality is here. I cry for the first time. I am losing my best friend in about 8 months and I already miss him. I think of all the things I will miss. Laying next to him, his smell, his touch, his warmth. After he falls asleep, my imagination takes a turn for the worst and I picture two uniformed men knocking on my door. I can see myself fall to the floor crying. Unable to breathe. I tell them to leave, they've got the wrong house. NOT ME! NOT HIM! NOT OUR KIDS!
I pray to my Heavenly Father and ask that he takes these thoughts away from me.
I cry myself to sleep.
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