March 5
I get a text from him saying he is going to miss Christmas this year. I immediately call him and say "How long?" when he picks up the phone. 6 months. Oh! I guess it could be worse.
We both knew it was coming. After being in the military for 11 1/2 years and never deploying, we knew it was his turn sometime in the near future. We mentally prepared for it. We were both waiting for the call saying he was going. But I have to admit, now that it's here, I realize I wasn't prepared for it at all. Its now our reality. I guess I thought/hoped deep in the back of my brain that he would never go. You know continue to be lucky. Now I just hope luck is still on our side and he comes home safely to us!
So where is he going? I can't say. But I can say other military branches call it Camp Cupcake. Any war area has it's dangers but where he is going shouldn't be too bad. At least that is what I am telling myself. I know once I get past the thoughts of him never coming home, I will be able to find comfort in the fact that he is going to a safer place. But I worry.... a lot! Worse case scenario. Every time! I have a vivid imagination when it comes to things like this.
So we decide to not tell the kids quiet yet. We still have months to prepare. Remember he is just missing Christmas this year. And next? New Years, my birthday, babygirl's birthday, Goose's birthday, B's Birthday,Valentines, St Patrick's day, Easter, Mother's day, Memorial day and possibly Father's day. Wow!! that's a lot! Another reality just hit.
That night we go to bed and talk about how reality is here. I cry for the first time. I am losing my best friend in about 8 months and I already miss him. I think of all the things I will miss. Laying next to him, his smell, his touch, his warmth. After he falls asleep, my imagination takes a turn for the worst and I picture two uniformed men knocking on my door. I can see myself fall to the floor crying. Unable to breathe. I tell them to leave, they've got the wrong house. NOT ME! NOT HIM! NOT OUR KIDS!
I pray to my Heavenly Father and ask that he takes these thoughts away from me.
I cry myself to sleep.
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